I want to share this entry I read in a blog recently. I think it is a lovely article.
I am blessed to have two boys…a 19 year old (a contemporary music student going into second year at university) and a 10 year-old precocious boy who keeps me REAL busy with his creativity and never ending scientific ‘experiments’ and inventions, largely due to the influence of Horrible Science books and magazines that he reads.
Do visit his blog Just Bloggin’ if you have time but please excuse his grammatical/errors because he built the whole blog himself without my help and wrote the posts on his own initiative, took the pics and uploaded all the stuff himself and only allowed me to have a look at it after his post on planes :).Notice that he also copied/rephrased my post header hehehe! Since then, he has been studying for his exams and only had merdeka last Friday 🙂 when all the papers were over. So from last Friday, Nick has been playing with all his toys…something that he had not been doing since August. From young, he has always been very disciplined and is very independent so I am greatly blessed. I am not writing much about my older boy not because I don’t love him but because he wants his privacy…However, his girlfriend whom we love too visits my blog :)..
Today, I thought about the whole topic of self-esteem. From my observation, some children are born with more self-esteem than others but there’s a lot we can do to promote our child’s emotional well-being — a stronger sense of self can make them more emotionally resilient when problems come their way.
As we know, providing for our child’s physical needs (food, shelter, clothing) is a fairly straightforward matter but trying to provide for their emotional needs can be trickier. Nourishing a child’s emotional health is important because we must lay the ground work for an emotionally healthy adulthood.
Here are some pointers that I have listed out briefly…largely from my own failures and successes in bringing up my two boys.
- Every stage in a child’s development is different and equally important so we must be realistic when forming expectations of our child.
- We must encourage them to express their feelings and when they do, we need to respect those feelings. When they are crying either in sadness or frustration, we must let them know that everyone experiences pain, fear, anxiety or anger. From there, we need to try to learn the source of these feelings. If they are angry, we need to help your child express anger positively, without resorting to violence.
- Mutual respect and trust must be there. When I was a younger, I used to lose my temper easily but I have since learnt the folly of my ways and I hate to get angry because it is not good for my health. So, I have learnt to keep your voice level down even when I don’t agree. In this way, we can keep communication channels open.
- Listening to our children is so important. To do this, Use words and examples your child can understand. Encourage questions. Provide comfort and assurance. Be honest. Focus on the positives. Express your willingness to talk about any subject.
- Problem-solving and coping skills are important because I realize that as a mom, I have to set a good example to my kids and to walk away if I cannot control my own frustration or anger; otherwise, the consequences could be detrimental.
- I have also learnt that it is vital to encourage your child’s talents and accept limitations. Set goals based on the child’s abilities and interests — not my own expectations. I made this big mistake with m y older one. Both my boys are musically precocious and each of them play three instruments. I wanted my older boy to be a classical pianist but turns out that he prefers the violin and guitar while piano is his third instrument and last month, he told me that he wants to take up the saxophone. As a teen, he told me not to let him live out my musical ambition. Yup! He is a smart and wise guy and that woke me up. So after all we went through, I am glad he is excelling in music and never cease to celebrate accomplishments. Today, I truly love both my boys and appreciate their uniqueness and try to the best of my ability to spend time regularly with them.
- Foster your child’s independence and self-worth. Help your child deal with life’s ups and downs. Show confidence in your child’s ability to handle problems and tackle new experiences.
- Discipline constructively, fairly, and consistently. Use discipline as a form of teaching, not physical punishment. All children and families are different; learn what is effective for your child. Show approval for positive behaviors. Help your child learn from his or her mistakes.
- Love unconditionally. Teach the value of apologies, cooperation, patience, forgiveness, and consideration for others. Sadly, because my younger boy is an angel, the older one felt that I love his little bro more…I had a tough time convincing BOTH of them that I love them equally!!! If you read Nick’s blog, he made a comment about it. After all the blunders I made, I learnt the hard way, how to be a better mom and am blessed now cos my boys and I are very close:).
- So, do not expect to be perfect; parenting is a difficult job!!! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you foul up :). Just learn from it, move on and make sure we restore the child’s self-esteem.
Finally, if you have not realized it yet, 🙂 parenting is not for cowards so we have to be strong-hearted, positive and enjoy the years that we have to nurture our children with much love, patience, prayers and understanding.
May God bless you and your family richly. Have a good day.
You can read more at her blog, Masterwordsmith.
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